The 5th Light

Hawaii. A place I never thought I would visit. Why? Because I just didn't think I could handle all that aloha…

Look…I'm a New Englander. Well, not a native one…but I feel like after having lived in New Hampshire for for 27+ years, the whole New England vibe suits me. It's gray and cold more than half the year and everyone's personality pretty much reflects that reality. I like it. I identify with it…and my relationship with the sun is akin to that of a vampire’s. In other words, I wear my vitamin D deficiency like a badge of honor.

Then, something changed. I moved to Florida a year ago. Suddenly there was no escaping that angry, fiery ball in the sky. I had to adjust my notion of a comfortable level of humidity almost immediately. I bought stock in a sunscreen company and started to collect a bunch of clothes that were intentionally missing pant legs and shirt sleeves. Island Justin was born…

So, when my wife suggested that we vacation in Hawaii this summer…the idea didn’t immediately seem foreign to me. It actually sounded…pleasant. So, I broke out my sandals, packed my water wings and off to Hawaii we went!

Rather than bore you with a bunch of vacation tails of joy and happiness, I will do what I do best and give you a bulleted list of the things I learned while taking this vacation!

• Airlines do not care no matter how logical your argument is.
• Renting a Tesla is cool but spending 25% of your vacation trying to find a way to charge it…is not.
• “Sleeping policemen” are everywhere.
• Hawaii is disgustingly beautiful.
• Sea turtles are dicks.
• Do not rely on Google Maps to teach you how to pronounce Hawaiian words. You will be made fun of. You have been warned.
• Hawaii is where the phrase “sunny with a breeze” was born.
• A friendly smile and a wave is about as close as you’ll get to a Hawaiian honking their car horn.
• I like dancing with my wife…a lot
• Pro tip: Waterfalls are more elusive than you think. Some are even hidden behind extreme amounts of nature. Bug spray is your friend.
• Pack less electronics. Hawaii has enough entertainment.
• Plan for more than 1 day at Pearl Harbor. I could have seriously spent a whole day just on the USS Missouri.
• The sign may say they have penguins…but the sign lies.
• Hemingway daiquiris are delicious.
• Not all luaus are created equal. Just ask the Samoans.
• “Island time” is real. Everyone there is on it. Verify closing times often.
• I am not fun to travel with. Seriously. Even I noticed.

Well, I hope you found this information illuminating and potentially useful if you decide to visit our island neighbors in the Pacific. I do think I’ll be going back sometime in the future as there are a million things I didn’t get to do (I’m looking at you Byodo-In Temple).

Till next time! LLAP

-JnR Laird of Dunans Castle